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Texas fans channeling the Prince of Darkness (Source: Flickr.com-stegersaurus31)

The Texas Longhorns took advantage of five Oklahoma Sooners turnovers en route to a 16-13 victory in the annual Red River Rivalry.

The mistakes were due in large part to the influence of a Lower Power, the Prince of Darkness. Satan indicated that he had no choice but to affect the outcome to protect his own interests.

“I had the ‘Horns to cover,” Satan said, referring to the point spread that had Texas listed as a 2 1/2-point favorite. “The Sooners were making it close, so I had to do something. I had 10 G’s riding on this one.”

Mephistopheles said he used a variety of methods to force the Sooners into mistakes, including channeling his powers through many of the Longhorns fans in attendance at the Cotton Bowl.

“I won’t reveal all of my methods,” he said. “But I will say that I had to reach deeply into my bag of tricks. I was able to get into the head of that freshman  QB (Oklahoma backup quarterback Landry Jones) a bit. He played like a man possessed, so to speak.”

Satan indicated that he also had to overcome the inept play of the Longhorn, particularly that of quarterback Colt McCoy.

“Leave it a Jesus boy to nearly screw things up,” he said of the God-fearing Texas signal-caller who committed two turnovers. “You try to help a guy out, yet he nearly throws it all away. I mean, it’s not like the devil made him do it.”

Satan vehmently denied accusations that he tried to stack the odds in his favor by causing the first quarter shoulder injury to Oklahoma star quarterback Sam Bradford.

“I had absolutely nothing to do with that injury!” he exclaimed angrily. “Remeber: the kid had a bum shoulder to start with. Just because I’m the devil doesn’t mean I’m some kind of sadist.”