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Are those things above my eyes alive, and can they hurt me? (Source: Flicker.com: billypalooza)

For the diehard football fan, this Sunday’s Pro Bowl in Miami fills a pigskin void left by the extra week before the Super Bowl.

But for those who are looking for something better to do, which includes anything short of committing mass murder and/or removing their own spleen with a rusty pocketknife, there are some other options…

10. Talk to your wife. This will likely be the first time you’ve acknowledged her existence on a Sunday since the start of football season.

 9. Channel surf feverishly in hopes of finding a better football game. Maybe ESPN Classic will show one of those memorable gems from the XFL.

 8. Play a game of fantasy football in your living room. Pretend you’re Dwight Freeney (with a good ankle) and your mother-in-law is Drew Brees dropping back to pass.

 7. Do something handy around the house. Let’s face it—you haven’t touched a power tool since September and that now-gaping hole in the roof ain’t gonna fix itself.

 6. Make dinner for the whole family…surely, I jest.

 5. Finally get started on that New Year’s resolution to lose 20 lbs. You can begin by getting off the couch to get more Cheetos yourself instead of having them brought to you. The walk to the kitchen should burn at least two calories.

 4. Start to watch that DVD collection of “The A-Team” you got for Christmas and immediately stashed in the attic, hoping it would somehow disappear. How is it that Mr. T never won an Emmy? Pity the fool.

 3. Renew your religious faith by attending evening services at your house of worship—if you can remember where it is.

 2. Take stock of your life and decide the best ways to make the most of your remaining days here on Earth. Like, by watching more football.

 1. Watch “60 Minutes” and try to determine if those things on Andy Rooney’s head are eyebrows, or caterpillars seeking signs of intelligent life.